A Cozy Lifestyle with Clearissa Coward
How to Comfort A Loved One Who Has Lost a Child-What to Say
This may sound gruesome, but for my family last weekend, it was reality. Losing a child is an unimaginable grief—deep, enduring, and life-altering. When someone you love is walking through this sorrow, it’s natural to feel helpless or unsure of how to offer comfort. But your presence, words, and care can be a lifeline during their darkest days. Recently, a close family member lost her youngest child. Although this child was an adult with children of her own, to this mother, she was still her baby, and she was gone too soon.
As I traveled to be with my family member, my mind raced as I tried to come up with the elusive perfect things to say and do to comfort my family member, but once I looked into her eyes, I realized there were no perfect things to do or say. There was just the heartfelt pain I felt for her, and I just wanted her to know I love her and I was there for her.
In this article, I am sharing what I feel are gentle and meaningful ways to support a loved one who has lost a child.
- Be Present, Even When Words Fail
Grief like this does not require perfect words—it needs presence. Just being there, sitting with them in silence, or holding their hand says: You are not alone. Your steady presence can offer more comfort than any phrase. My family member said to me that when she looked over and saw me, she breathed a sigh and said, “they came”. She just wanted to know that the loss of her child was felt by other family members, and our presence showed her that we cared.
You don’t have to fix the pain—just show up and stay present.
- What to Say (and Not to Say)
Words matter, especially when hearts are shattered. You do not need eloquence—only honesty, sincerity, and compassion.
Comforting things to say:
- “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling.”
- “I’m here for you, for as long as you need.”
- “Your child mattered. Their life was beautiful and will never be forgotten.”
Avoid saying:
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “At least you have other children.”
- “They’re in a better place.”
These phrases, even if well-intended, can feel dismissive or painful.
- Say Their Child’s Name
One of the kindest things you can do is speak their child’s name. Mention a memory, a story, or something beautiful you noticed about them. A grieving parent wants to know their child is remembered and valued.
- Offer Specific Help
In the fog of grief, making decisions or asking for help can be overwhelming. Offer something concrete:
- “I’d love to bring dinner on Thursday. Does Italian sound good?” I so wish I could do this for my loved one, but we live miles apart. If you have the luxury, please take advantage of it.
- “I can run errands or watch the kids (if applicable) for a couple of hours this weekend.”
- “Would you like me to sit with you for a while this afternoon?”
Little acts of love relieve the weight, if only for a moment.
- Check In—Long After the Funeral
Grief doesn’t end after a few weeks. Months later, friends stop calling, and the silence can feel heavy. Continue checking in:
- Send a message on the child’s birthday or anniversary.
- Invite them for coffee or a walk.
- Let them share, cry, laugh, or be quiet—whatever they need that day.
Grief evolves, but it never fully disappears. Consistent love over time is healing.
- Honor Their Grief Journey
Every grieving parent walks a unique path. There’s no timeline, no “right” way to mourn. Be patient. Let them feel what they need to feel. Don’t rush them through their sorrow or expect them to “move on.”
Final Thoughts
Comforting someone who has lost a child is about showing up with your heart open. You may not have the perfect words, and that’s okay. What matters most is that they know you care—that they are not forgotten, and neither is their child.
Supporting a loved one who has lost a child feels heavy and dark, but we must realize that what they are feeling is much, much deeper, and we must act accordingly.
Love doesn’t end. And neither does memory. Let your presence be a quiet testimony of both. Please keep my family in prayer as we try to help my family member navigate this horrendous ordeal.
Hugs & Blessings,
Excellent post and well written. I love your caring spirit and gentle heart. I also feel a sympathetic connection with what you are going through in your family. You’re in my prayers.
Thank you Carol.